Tender Passions

Sarah McLean McLeod, 1825-1912. She was illiterate. But her descendants put great store in the written word.

“A well written letter has opened the way to prosperity for many a one, has led to many a happy marriage and constant friendship, and has secured many a good service in time of need; for it is in some measure a photograph of the writer, and may inspire love or hatred, regard or aversion in the reader, just as the glimpse of a portrait often determine us, in our estimate, of the worth of the person respresented.

Therefore, one of the roads to fortune runs through the ink bottle, and if we want to attain a certain end in love, friendship, or business, we must trace out the route correctly with the pen in hand.”

From Light in Dark Corners, a popular “sex-hygiene” book of the 1910 era.

The first letter is from Light and Dark Corners, a sample Love Letter.

The Second is a sample Love Letter from the Nicholson copy of Martine’s Sensible Letter writer, 1860. You can see (hear?) a difference in tone.. and Light In Dark Corners was a very PRUDISH book.

There is no greater sentiment than love and why that reality should be obscured by mere sentimentalism with all its train of absurdities is incomprehensible…

How to begin a love letter: Never say My dearest Nellie, My adored Nellie, until Nellie has called you My Dear or has given you to understand that such familiar terms are permissable. As a rule a gentleman will never err is he says “Dear Miss Nellie” and if the letters are cordially reciprocated, the Miss Nellie, in time, can be omitted.

My dearest Laura:

I can no longer restrain myself from writing to you, dearest and best of girls, what I have often been on the point of saying to you. I love you so much that I cannot find words in which to express my feelings. I have loved you from the very first day we met, and always shall. Do you blame me because I write so freely? I should be unworthy of you if I did not tell you the whole truth. Oh, Laura, can you love me in return? I am sure I shall not be able to bear it if your answer is unfavourable. I still study your every wish if you will give me the right to do so. May I hope? Send just one kind word to your sincere friend.”

From Martine’s Sensible Letter Writer, 1853. Nicholson Family Copy. New York, Dick and Fitzgerald.

The letters beyond all comparison the most attractive and interesting are those written in the intimate confidence excited by tender passion. The language of the heart is universal; in all countries, and with all people where there is sensibility, it is understood. It is the language of nature, charming us with its simplicity, and by its true expression of our feelings, possessing the power of commanding our sympathy. The sentiments should spring from the tenderness of heart. Any extravagant flattery should be avoided, tending to disgust those to whom it is addressed and to degrade the writers and create suspicion as to their sincerity.

Sample Letter:

Dear Allie.

Will you allow me, in a few plain and simple words, respectfully to express the sincere and esteem affection I entertain for you and to ask whether I may venture to hope that these sentiments are returned? I love you truly and earnestly and knowing you admire frankness and candor in all things I cannot think that you will take offense at this letter. Perhaps it is self flattery to think that I have any place in your regard. Should this be so the error will carry with it its own punishment for my happy dream will be over.

Favorable Reply:

Dear Sir. In the same spirit of frankness you have used in addressing me, I admit that among the gentlemen of my acquaintance there is none that I esteem so highly as yourself. I must, however, have time to think your letter over and to look into my own heart before I give you a more decided answer.

Spreading the News "Broadcast"

Yesterday, my husband came into the house and told me, “It’s Williams.” He was referring to our neighbours. We’ve lived in this suburban development for 10 years but never learned the last name of our next door neighbours.

As it happens, I am in the midst of editing the 1911/12 Nicholson letters. I haven’t cut them down much. Mostly I’ve added background and clarification.

I expect my editor to get back to me and say that I left in too much gossip.

But I did it on purpose: I wanted to show what life was like in a town back then. How you had no privacy. Or, as Edith Nicholson put it in a 1908 letter, how “Everything is spread broadcast in a few hours.” (Actually, she was referring to Radnor Forges, an even smaller place than Richmond.)

I think this is important, because I hope these letters will be used (continue to be used) by high school teachers, and modern teens are apt to recognize or at least sense something familiar in these letters.

After all, they use Facebook.

There was been a lot of controversy over Facebook Privacy. Those who aren’t that concerned say that all Facebook is doing is returning us to an earlier time, when people lived in towns, and when everyone knew everyone else’s business.

I think it would be a terrific exercise to compare my 1911/12 letters to Facebook (when I’ve finished editing and annotating them.)

I already can see how the Nicholson Family Letters both prove and disprove this idea.

Yes, everyone knew your business but, in 1910, you sacrificed privacy for security. There was a kind of trade-off.

Mrs. Montgomery was a nosy and sometimes interfering neighbour, but she was always there with the chicken soup when Margaret was sick!

Anyway, privacy was considered an issue in 1911 with respect to the Census. I think they only released these documents to the public after 91 years.

The Census is online now and I’ve been checking it out. Firstly, I looked up McCoys and Watters and they spelled Watters WATERS and mixed up Isabel and Marie McCoy. On top of that, Margaret Nicholson lied about her age!

There must be tonnes of lies and mistakes on the Census. In the McCoy’s case, it looks like the Census person is French, so perhaps he didn’t understand. (“He” because I seriously doubt women were employed as Census takers; Norman Nicholson worked for the 1901 Census.)

I made a mistake,myself, reading the Census. On an earlier blog I said that the McCoys employed a live in-couple to do housework. Wrong. These were neighbours.

But many families on their street had maids. Just on this same Census page I found 4 maids: one West-Indian, one from France, one Swedish and one from England, all girls between 16 and 21.

I searched further up and down and street and noticed some ‘servants’ were as young as 12 and 14, and others in their 30′s and 40′s.

(It just occurred to me: a ‘servant’ is called ‘a maid’ probably, because it was usually a young, unmarried woman.)

I know these Hutchison flats were big, because Marion remarks upon it in a letter. But if the family was large, with lots of kids, they either had no maids (letting the kids do the housework) or they had live-out help. Or so it seems.

All very interesting.

I think I will pitch this story to someone.